In the digital age of smartphones and social media, it might seem as if all the rules of friendship have dramatically changed. Truth be told, some new variables are very much at play. Still, the fundamentals of human friendship remain essentially intact. There is still a broad range of intangibles to navigate but yes, it does help to look up from our phones every now and again!
Be Your Own Best Friend
Before you roll your eyes and file this under “corny,” ask yourself a question. How can I expect others to embrace my friendship gifts when I don’t? Think about it. No other friendship is closer. No relationship will ever last longer. I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating.
Consider the qualities that attract you to a potential friend. Contemplate the good emotions you experience when you’re with your BFF. Now, try to imagine feeling like this about yourself. Honor the qualities that make you good friend material. Work on the characteristics you’d like to change. Then put all this to work as you reach out and make real friends.
7 Ways to Make Real Friends
1. Commit, follow-through, show up
Of course, you can unexpectedly make real friends. More likely, it’ll require some work. If you wish to expand your social circle, commit to it. Follow-through on plans. And most of all, show up! At least half the work is showing up.
2. Practice being friendly and nice
This may sound obvious or even silly, but we can hone our friendship skills. Each day, we likely interact with many other people—co-workers, neighbors, employees in stores or restaurants we visit, and so on. Make those interactions less transactional and more transformative.
3. Join groups
What are your interests and hobbies? Whatever they are, there is surely a group for it. Thus, joining such groups gives you a built-in commonality and talking point to break the ice.
4. Try something new (and join more groups!)
What interests and hobbies have you been putting off? Give ‘em a try and maybe even take a class or two. This is fertile ground for potential new friends. Also, if things go well, join groups related to them.
5. Listen and observe
When dealing with someone you’d like to get to know, use all your senses. Give them room to speak. Pay close attention to what they say and do.
6. Don’t underestimate long-distance friendships
Back in the day, humans wrote long letters and cultivated deep friendships across the miles. Things are much simpler today but that doesn’t mean you can make profound long-distance connections. Technology enables us to reach people all over the globe. As a result, an “Internet friend” can become a key person in your life.
7. Bring out the best in others
That same technology just mentioned also brings us a non-stop wave of concerning and distracting news and information. Therefore, we’re all happy to encounter someone who brings them back to the present moment. If you strive to discover the best in others—and encourage it—you will never be a loss for companionship.
You may need some real help to make real friends
There are many valid reasons why you may struggle when it comes to friendships. A common example relates to social anxiety. Frequently, however, we can’t make real friends yet don’t know why. Working with a counselor is an ideal way to unravel this issue. The more you identify your own patterns and tendencies, the more likely you’ll be to thrive socially. Weekly therapy sessions are shown to have a positive impact on our social connections.
