Orange County Couples Counseling

Are You And Your Partner Struggling To Communicate and Connect?

• Are you feeling hurt, misunderstood and wounded by constant arguing and tension in your relationship?
• Do you and your partner often belittle, shame and criticize one another?
• Has intimacy fallen by the wayside?
• Are you worried that a breakup or divorce is just around the corner?
• Do you long to rekindle romance, friendship and mutual respect, but fear your relationship can’t be repaired?

Relationship difficulties can make you feel like you’re walking through no man’s land with no hope of escape. Like many relationships, yours likely began with feelings of excitement and attraction, but over time it might have started to sour, turning what was once a passion between lovers into a conflict among warring factions. Perhaps you and your partner constantly yell and have fights over seemingly insignificant things. You might insult, criticize and belittle each other and have heated arguments about parenting, money or even household chores. What’s more, you might feel hurt and abandoned by your partner and long for the past when you spent meaningful, playful time together. However, the harder you might plea for closeness from your partner, the further he or she may push you away. Your partner might even seem depressed and withdrawn, perhaps refusing to speak or spending hours alone. You may want to be sensitive to his or her needs, but feel angry with your partner for not being emotionally present.

Regardless of whether you are bumping up against minor challenges or fear that your relationship is falling apart, you’re likely feeling alone, deeply hurt and maybe even powerless to affect change. After a long day at work, you might sit silently watching TV together with little communication or interaction, only to get up the next day and start your disconnected routine all over again. You may long to recapture the dreams you once had of a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship, but have stared to lose hope that you can reconnect, enjoy each other’s company and work as a team again.

Most Couples Struggle With Communication

If you’re currently struggling in your relationship, you’re certainly not alone. Most couples fight, primarily due to poor communication in their relationship. Many of us never learned to resolve conflicts in productive ways. When presented with the stresses and challenges of a relationship, one or both partners can become defensive, use aggressive language or focus on the other’s perceived faults. However, this only leads to hurt feelings and more arguments, and conflicts almost never get resolved. Thankfully, couples counseling can stop the cycle of fighting and teach you new, effective ways of communicating.

Couples Counseling Can Get Your Relationship Back on Track

In couples counseling sessions, I can help you not only gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationship, but also teach you practical tools you can use at home. You can begin to turn away from blaming and criticism by bringing “I” back into the conversation, focusing on your own needs and frustrations rather than on what your partner is doing wrong. You can also adopt activities to help you honor each other’s strengths and positive qualities. By learning to focus on the positive (rather than the negative) you can restore feelings of admiration and respect and perhaps even rekindle the attraction that initially brought you together.

In sessions you’ll also have the opportunity to increase romance and intimacy. As your therapist, I’ll encourage you to spend time together and re-cultivate a sense of enjoyment and fun in your relationship. Instead of sharing passive activities like watching TV, you can begin to share healthy, engaging activities that you both enjoy, such as dancing, hiking or camping.

During sessions, we can also explore how you’re communicating and determine whether your communication style is contributing to conflict. You can begin to voice your needs, frustrations and desires, become a better listener and adopt conflict resolution skills that can help you calm down at the onset of an argument. Using valuable skills, you can identify anger signals in your body and mind so that you’ll be able walk away from fights during times of high tension. You can learn to respond rather than react, say fewer things you regret and express your point of view in a calm and grounded way.