Good Communication: 5 Common Do’s and 5 Common Don’ts

Everyone communicates in one form or another. We usually engage in verbal communication. We also use body language, signs, facial expressions, and gestures. Increasingly, virtual forms of communication have become the norm. It’s fair to say that it’s never been easier to communicate than it is right now. However, more communication does not automatically translate into good communication and communication issues are at the root of most couples counseling sessions.

Reaching more people doesn’t change the basic rules and realities of our interactions. If anything, the scope and range of communications today makes our widespread lack of skills even more obvious. Conveying tone and mood via text message is certainly much more complicated than a face-to-face conversation will ever be.

With all this in mind, let’s explore some essential communication guidelines!

5 Common Don’ts of Good Communication

1. Don’t underestimate timing

   Sometimes it’s not what you say but when you say it. Correctly reading a situation is a big part of good communication. Learn to recognize cues and respect boundaries. If the timing isn’t right, be patient. You’ll benefit from waiting.

2. Don’t be distracted by multi-tasking

   Thanks to cellphones and computers, no one seems to do one thing at a time anymore. This behavior has been shown to be counterproductive in general. It also reduces the chances of good communication. Focusing on the one task of communicating is an excellent way to show you’re serious.

3. Don’t interrupt

   Listen. Take notes, if necessary. But wait your turn to speak. Conversations are not monologues. Respecting them helps create a healthy communication environment.

4. Don’t use “you” language

   Miscommunication reigns when the bulk of your sentences begin with “you.” You always say this! You never do that! Such statements sound like accusations. You are putting the other person on the defensive. Try expressing what you feel, e.g. “I feel like I’m not being heard.”

5. Don’t be stubborn

   To create a connection, it’s crucial to know that minds may be changed. If one or both of you dig in your heels, communication is fruitless. Show them you’re ready to hear them. Ask the same of them.

5 Common Do’s of Good Communication

1. Do pay attention

   This step bears repeating because it’s so simple yet, it is so often ignored. Maintain eye contact. Offer cues like nodding your head. Stay focused. Request similar attention in response.

2. Do remain aware of your body language

   You are saying just as much (if not more) with your non-verbal communication. If you were to suddenly stand, you may send a message of aggression or domination. Slouching is obviously not a good way to demonstrate focus. Do not underestimate what your body is communicating.

3. Do accept that all emotions are valid

   We may not appreciate or like how someone else responds to our words. This doesn’t make the other person wrong. It also doesn’t invalidate their emotions. Simple reactions like “relax” or “calm down” often lead to escalation. It’s not our place to decide if someone has “overreacted.” We can only control our own reactions.

4. Do practice empathy and open-mindedness

   You’re giving them your attention. Your body language is on point. Their emotions are being validated. But what’s going on inside? Check yourself to make sure you’re being sensitive to what’s being said. Also, are you remaining open to hearing them out? You may disagree or may have heard it before. This is an ideal time to ask non-confrontational questions. Such questions can expand the conversation. They also send a message that you are listening with an open mind.

5. Do speak honestly

   The most basic advice for good communication, saved for last.

Couples who commit to counseling are able to learn how to communicate with their partners in a healthy and productive manner. If you need help with communicating with your partner, you can book an appointment with me for a confidential consultation or send me a message.