“For the holidays, you can’t beat home sweet home!” It sounds good in the song, but for some of us, the reality is terrifying. Being in a room full of strangers, relatives you see once or twice a year, or having to engage in small talk with your coworkers at a holiday party is not everyone’s cup of mulled cider. The holidays
be stressful for anyone, but can seem like an annual period of terror and misery for those who suffer from holiday anxiety.
Much like death and taxes, the holiday season is inevitable. What can you do to cope with holiday anxiety?
Five tips to reduce or avoid holiday-related stress, depression, or anxiety:
1. Identify the stressors.
What is it that upsets you about the holidays? Is it overstimulation from being in crowded rooms? Are you afraid of saying something wrong or having nothing to say and feeling awkward? Do your relatives have a habit of asking you questions about your love life or other subjects you’d rather not talk about? Maybe it’s the stress of traveling that makes you anxious. When you break down your concerns rather than looking at the big picture of having social anxiety during the holidays, they are much less overwhelming and easier to tackle.
2. Remember that it’s not about you.
People aren’t really paying that much attention to how you look or how well you converse. In fact, most people are in just about the same boat as you! Everyone wants to be sure that others think well of them. Start the good feelings going with a simple compliment (what a beautiful tree, your sweater is great, those latkes smell good, your dog is well-behaved). When you make others feel good, you start feeling good yourself. Asking questions is also a good strategy when you have to talk to people you don’t know very well. Lots of people like to talk about themselves, so it can be a good way to avoid having to actually say very much yourself, without being accused of being quiet!
Smiling and looking people in the eye can also go a long way to making you feel less awkward in social situations.
3. Don’t drink too much.
Many people mistakenly turn to drugs or alcohol to help them “loosen up” in social scenes. If you’re worried about embarrassing yourself, why put yourself in a situation where you’re less in control? Alcohol and drugs can actually trigger panic attacks in individuals with anxiety disorders.
4. Consider therapy sessions.
Frequently, holiday-related social anxiety is primarily in our heads. Yes, if you have to make or host the big holiday meal, give a toast, or if you’re very concerned with pleasing others, it can be very stressful. But on the whole, much of the anxiety is due to ingrained negative thought patterns. Cognitive behavioral therapy can correct those conditioned patterns of negative thinking and help you learn to manage your anxiety disorder.
5. Realize it’s okay to feel uncomfortable.
We are our own worst critic! It is not a failure if you try all these other tips and still experience feelings of anxiety and discomfort this holiday season. When you think realistically (not necessarily the same as positive-thinking), you feel better! Most of our worries never really occur, and those that do… Well, will you really remember them next year? Even if you do, you might not in a few years, and certainly no one else is thinking about it. Frame your perspective by thinking things like “if my aunt wants to be that judgmental about me, that’s her problem, not mine.”
Set yourself reasonable, yet measurable goals, like making it through the entire dinner, or engaging in small talk with two people.
