Holidays can be difficult for parents to deal with, even under the best circumstances, but for those recently divorced or going through a divorce, they bring a special set of challenges. In many situations, divorce leads to logistical challenges, issues with scheduling, and tightening household budgets.
On top of that, children might struggle emotionally, splitting time between their parents, mourn lost holiday traditions, or feel like they’re caught in the middle.
It’s important for families to come together to help children with divorced parents during holidays. As difficult as these situations may be, there are lots of ways for families to help children adjust and enjoy their holidays.
Create a Plan
First and foremost, create a plan for the holidays. Figure out a schedule ahead of time, and stick to it. Are you splitting holidays? Is there a mid-day handoff? Make sure your child knows what to expect going into the holidays. Get feedback from your kids, but don’t put them in charge of making any decisions. You don’t want them to feel like they have to pick sides.
Divorced parents are often operating on very different budgets. Don’t let gift-giving turn into a competition. Settle on a gift budget ahead of the holidays. When it comes to big gifts, combine your budgets and share credit.
Forge New Traditions
Getting divorced means letting go of how things were, so that you can build something new. Some of those changes are good, but some of those—like losing family traditions—can be quite painful. It’s important for parents to build a new one-on-one bond with their children. Focus your time on creating new traditions to celebrate. Special dinners, fun trips, or new gift-giving rituals.
Be Flexible
Oftentimes, the holidays can be a difficult time. Schedules are tight, and tensions are high. No matter how well we plan ahead, sometimes last-minute changes are necessary. Divorced parents should make sure they’re extra forgiving toward each other during the holidays. Kids thrive in conflict-free environments.
Keep Things Cordial
Whether you’re a parent, grandparent, or close family friend of children with divorced parents, it’s important for you to make sure you keep their happiness in mind. There’s already plenty of pressure for people to show up around the holidays, but things aren’t so easy for children with divorced parents. Make sure you’re being especially careful about what you say. Any comments or criticism of people’s ex’s or spouses should be reserved for private conversation another time, far from little ears..
If you’re worried about what your family might say, reach out ahead of time to set some boundaries.
No Big Surprises!
This is not the time to introduce your children to a new boyfriend or girlfriend, or to make any big life-changing announcements. If you’ve got big news that you’re burning to get out there, do it well before the holidays or after. Kids thrive on security and knowing what to expect.
So no big surprises! Except gifts. Those are okay. (as long as you’ve planned them out ahead of time!)
Perspective
Dealing with the holidays after a divorce can feel a bit like a puzzle. Remember that this is a time to create new patterns and traditions, not to recreate old ones. Not everything will look the same or feel the same, but that doesn’t make these moments less special. It’s our job as adults to make sure that children feel safe, secure, and valued.
Don’t let holiday stress distract you from your number one job. We don’t get too many years together, so it’s important to make sure we enjoy our holidays together instead of spending them frustrated or upset that things are changing.
If you’re struggling with helping your kids get through the holidays, consider reaching out to us for help! We’re here to listen and provide more insight on how to communicate, plan, and set expectations around the holidays effectively!
