Living Alone After Divorce: 9 Ways to Adapt and Thrive

Movies, TV shows, books, and more teach us that every “failed” marriage devolves into a messy blend of acrimony and alimony. In reality, divorce doesn’t follow a predetermined script. It’s as varied as any human experience and its aftermath can be the most challenging part of all. For example, if we find ourselves suddenly living alone for the first time in a long while (or ever), we may feel like we’re navigating uncharted territory. To follow are some suggestions for negotiating the post-divorce landscape when living alone.

1. Rearrange your living space

   Roommates of any variety require compromise. From the placement of a couch to organizing the fridge (or not) and beyond, you can’t always get what you want. However, even amidst the upheaval and loss, you can now embrace the autonomy to design your living space exactly as you wish—and re-design it just as often!

2. Rearrange your social life

   Maybe you never enjoyed those weekly visits from the couple you met at the gym or perhaps you always wanted to connect more with the other volunteers at the local CSA. Now’s the time to experiment, with one caveat: After a divorce, you’ll find that each of you may get “custody” of certain friendships. Thus, it’s productive to accept that there will be some folks with whom you lose touch.

3. Rearrange your entire schedule

   You’re a morning person but she wanted to meet you at the gym after work. He craved structure (laundry on Monday, grocery shopping on Tuesday, etc.) but you’re happiest when such chores are completed on a more flexible schedule. Changing things up in this way will not only enable you to follow and trust your instincts but also assist in the entire process of post-divorce re-invention.

4. Accept and feel all the emotions

   Living alone presents an unusual gift. Not the kind of gift that arrives in colorful wrapping and a pretty bow, but likely more valuable. Your gift is “me time.” Time during which you can identify and feel the emotions ricocheting inside your mind. One common revelation about divorce is the recognition of it as a loss that will provoke both grief and mourning.

5. Truly experience living alone

   This tip dovetails with #4. To truly experience living alone requires one to be alone and eventually to look forward to being alone. Try not to fill your time and space (inner and outer) with busyness and clutter. Embrace silence and solitude. They are fertile ground for growth.

6. Be open to moving or taking a roommate

   After some time has passed, you may recognize the need for a change. For example, if your spouse was the one to move out, perhaps you’ve realized you don’t want to remain in the space you once shared together. In other cases, you may explore the option of taking a roommate for financial or emotional reasons. Or perhaps it’s time to rescue a dog or cat!

7. Take inventory of likes and dislikes

   Obviously, you’ll find plenty of opportunities to take stock in yourself. Keep a journal to document your likes and dislikes as you move forward into a new life chapter.

8. Love and respect your home

   Visualize and experience your living space as your own personal sanctuary. Discover the qualities you value (in individuals, moods, vibes, colors, scents, and more) and invite them to join you.

9. Let go

   Two simple words may represent the most important aspect of living alone, post-divorce. Let go of the past and old expectations. It’s time to stretch your comfort zone.

If you are struggling with adjusting to life after a divorce, you can contact me through this website or you can book an appointment to get the support you need.