For a word that just keeps growing in popularity, “narcissism” is rarely understood. Thanks to smartphones, social media, and the internet, there appear to be more narcissists than ever. This is not the case when you accurately apply the term. However, definitions evolve. With that in mind, it is probably most useful to view narcissism as a spectrum.
On one end, you may be a person who seems over-confident — perhaps a little arrogant. All the way on the other end of the spectrum, you have a diagnosable mental health condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). There is a huge difference between the two extremes.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Contrary to popular opinion, NPD is very rare. We’re talking about maybe one percent of the entire population. A clinician may consider such a diagnosis if the person in question appears unable to maintain healthy daily functioning. Some signs of NPD include:
- Intense need for admiration and validation
- The belief that you are superior to “normal” people
- Disregard for the well-being of these normal people
- An exaggerated sense of one’s own importance
- Seeking attention
- Unable to tolerate any disagreement with themselves or their beliefs
- Antagonistic and confrontation when questioned or doubted
- Lack of empathy
Of course, some of the above signs can be present in someone without NPD. The primary difference lies in day-to-day functionality. The pathological narcissist is hampered by their condition. Research has found that beneath this facade lies an incredible amount of fragility, shame, and self-doubt. These feelings may cause them to isolate themselves while alienating others. It is better, they believe, to be alone than to risk being exposed.
What is Non-Pathological Narcissism?
Here is where all those selfies might come into play? As is sometimes the case with NPD, narcissistic people across the spectrum are usually covering up insecurities. In our world of likes and shares, we may feel both more self-centered and more vulnerable than ever. While this is not a sign of mental illness, it can nonetheless damage all kinds of relationships. The signs look eerily similar to those listed above:
- Seeking out positions of power, wealth, and fame’
- Sense of entitlement
- Need for attention and admiration
- Manipulating others in the name of keeping up the facade
- An arrogant, obnoxious, and dominating social style
- Downplaying or ignoring the needs of others
Typically, the severity of these behaviors is far less significant than for those with NPD. But obviously, these are still not pleasant people to be around. They can sap your energy and self-esteem.
You may feel gaslighted and invalidated. Fortunately, treatment is available for non-NPD narcissists. They can change. But it’s not your job to do this work. The most helpful choice you can make — for both of you — is to help get the narcissist into therapy.
Narcissism: A Clear Picture of What It Is and What It Isn’t
To clarify, narcissism is best viewed as a spectrum. In the casual usage of the term, it usually refers to someone who likes or craves attention. Further along the spectrum, the narcissist could become antagonistic and manipulative. At the farthest edge, there is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This is a serious but rare mental health condition.
You or someone you know may be displaying some of the symptoms above. If so, it’s highly recommended that you don’t jump to conclusions. Ideally, you’d consult a professional for guidance and support. Attention-seeking as a mask for self-doubt is a behavior that can be effectively addressed. I’d love to connect with you to talk about it. Please feel free to reach out today to set up a confidential consultation.
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