It’s summer, school’s out, and parents of young children are scrambling to find activities to keep their children’s minds and bodies active while saving their own sanity. There are news segments with ideas for keeping little one’s occupied during the summer, and plenty of day or over-night camps to help give parents a break. But what about parents of grown-up kids?
When the kids are off to college or married and living on their own, parents will often hear playfully-intended phrases like “enjoying the empty nest?” or “now you can move to Florida or go on a cruise!” As cheerful as that may sound, empty nesters aren’t all reveling in their newly found spending money and free time.
What is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Empty Nest Syndrome is not a real medical condition, but is the common name given to the very real feelings of grief and/or depression that parents can experience when their children grow up and leave their family home.
Empty Nest Syndrome becomes a problem if it lasts more than the first few weeks or maybe even first few months after a child moves away. In addition to reaching out to friends and family (and of course your spouse if you’re married), consider joining an empty nester support group. If your negative feelings start sinking into feelings of depression, seek out the help of a licensed mental health professional.
Why women?
Even though today many women work outside the home, being a parent is much more tied into the female identity than it is to the male. Think back to your twenties, women. How many times did you get asked when you were planning on having children? Probably many more times than you would have liked! (Men, were you ever even asked this question?)
More women experience Empty Nest Syndrome than men, which may be due to the unfortunate circumstance that empty nesting usually occurs at the same time as other major life events like menopause. Being the parent of an adult child doesn’t seem to come with the same cachet that being a “young mom” does. When your children are grown up, it can feel like a sign that you’re now truly “old.” An empty-nester mom may also feel signs of imbalance in her life, like resentment for all the years she sacrificed her personal interests or well-being for her children.
Re-lining the Nest
Many couples use the empty nesting period of their lives as a chance to reconnect. Now that there are less demands on your time and energy, you might have more opportunities for intimacy, both emotional and physical. It may have been awhile since you’ve had the chance to make meaningful connections with your partner that don’t relate to your children! The quantity of time may not increase, but the quality will, according to a study published in Psychological Science.
While selling the house and going on a cruise might seem like a fun idea, making big changes during this period is ill-advised. After big life events like becoming an empty nester, it’s better to wait one to two years to become fully adjusted before making big decisions.
You’ve already done everything to prepare your children: taught them how to do laundry and balance a checkbook; gave them good habits for life like brushing and flossing; and ensured they eat their fruits and veggies. Now it’s time to prepare yourself. Make a list of all your “roles” in life: wife, sister, daughter, neighbor, staff, pet owner, gardener, etc. Think about which of those roles you’d like to expand or what new roles you might like to play.
