When our brains and bodies enter the fight-or-flight zone, some of the automatic changes we experience include:
● Blood flow diverted to increase flow to our muscles
● Blood pressure, heart rate, fats, and blood sugars rise to supply us with more energy
● Muscles become more tense, providing extra strength and speed
● Our body’s blood clotting function speeds up in case of injury and blood loss
You may have noticed that nowhere on that list is: “We realize that many of our worries are unwarranted and thus immediately switch into self-care mode.” That, unfortunately, is something we have to do consciously.
What is Self-Care?
Based on the many misconceptions, it may be more useful to explain that self-care is not:
● Pampering
● Self-indulgence
● Selfish
● Being soothed by others or material possessions
This isn’t to say there’s anything inherently wrong with pampering or self-indulgence—as long as you can afford to do so—but self-care is less about temporary fixes or distraction. It’s also not the obligation of a friend, family member, or romantic partner. They can help, of course, but that qualifies as care, not self-care.
Self-Care is Not Selfish
Below is a sampling of self-care techniques. Do any of them sound “selfish” to you?
● Exercise
● Healthy eating habits
● Healthy sleep patterns
● Relaxation techniques
● Avoiding substance abuse
● Creative outlets
● Learning to self-soothe during times of physical and/or emotional distress
● Listening to your body
Self-care is neither narcissistic or self-absorbed. Quite the opposite, a healthy self-care practice can make us far less likely to project our negative feelings, fears, doubts, or concerns onto others. Self-care helps keep us in tune with our inner rhythms and therefore makes us more outwardly aware.
5 Elements of a Self-Care Plan
Awareness
We cannot perform self-care unless until we recognize the need for it. It begins with paying attention. What signs is our body giving us? Are we unexplainably exhausted or suddenly feeling frenetic? Unable to concentrate? Feeling clumsy? When things are happening and there’s no obvious reason, it may be time to regroup.
Acceptance
We cannot perform self-care unless and until we accept the need for it. “I’ll be fine.” “No big deal.” “I have it so much better than others.” Comments like this invalidate our personal reality. Personal discomfort is not a contest. Only we can decide when we’ve had enough and thereby when to decide to focus inward on our own needs.
Humor
Just because something is cliché doesn’t mean it’s not true! Maintaining and indulging a sense of humor can be the biggest stress relief of all. Laugh at funny viral videos, a favorite classic comedy fun, your pet’s wacky behavior, or even at yourself (if that helps).
Friends and Family
They don’t call it “the grind” for nothing. Work-work-work, with little time for social fun. Your co-workers may be tolerable or even awesome but in terms of self-care, you may need to seek out other people in your life, e.g. a beloved sibling or that longtime friend who always “got” you. As stated above, this isn’t relying on others. It’s simply being with others. Our fellow humans can often be a powerful mood-altering “drug.”
Solitude
Our fellow humans can be utterly draining too. Perhaps you work in a hectic environment or live in a heavily populated city. If so, there may be no better form of self-care than me-time. That doesn’t make you anti-social. It makes you self-loving.
