Orange County Trauma Therapy

Is Past Trauma Impacting Your Ability To Have A Healthy Relationship With Yourself And Others?

• Are you overwhelmed by a dysfunctional partner and feel it’s your sole responsibility to take care of his or her problems?
• Has uncontrollable anger caused you to burn way more bridges in your life than you would have liked?
• Are you a shameless perfectionist who craves the attention and admiration of others through acts of achievement?
• Do you long to feel better about yourself and have healthy interactions with others, but seem to struggle everywhere you turn?

People who’ve experienced childhood trauma often find themselves struggling in their interactions with others, but often do not understand why. As a trauma survivor, you might feel as though you’re constantly falling into the same negative patterns over and over again, perhaps often binding yourself to dysfunctional, abusive and chronically irresponsible partners. You may feel personally responsible for your partner, as though you’re charged with the task of solving his or her problems. Perhaps you’re constantly giving yourself away, bombarding everyone with acts of kindness and catering to the needs and desires of others, but ultimately end up feeling emotionally drained in the process.

Alternatively, you may be someone who struggles with anger. Perhaps you’re a highly reactive person who would rather die before ever forgiving and forgeting. If you’re quick to anger, your temper is likely negatively impacting multiple aspects of your life, perhaps causing you to lash out at coworkers, friends and lovers. At work you might often feel persecuted by your boss, worry that everyone is against you and believe that others are going out of their way to make you look bad and thwart your success. Perhaps your greatest fear is that you’ll never accomplish your life’s ambitions and that you’re going to die alone – friendless and single without anyone to wipe away your tears. You may want to believe better things exist in life, but after years of pain and disappointments, can’t seem to muster any semblance of hope.

Childhood Trauma May Be Standing in Your Way of Having Healthy Relationships

At least 50 percent of the clients who see me for relationship issues have experienced some sort of childhood trauma. Whether your parents suffered from an addiction or disability or you were abused by teachers or neighborhood bullies, these experiences can have lasting impacts in adult life. As an adult you might suffer from low self-esteem, constantly doubt and question yourself and look toward relationships for a sense of comfort and affirmation – even if relationships are abusive.

Unresolved feelings of guilt, shame and fear left over from childhood can also be directed outward in the form of anger, aggression and rage. These emotions may feel like a safe space, causing you to rely on them whenever you feel criticized or threatened by others. While this may feel like an effective way to protect yourself from emotional injury, it can drive away friends and romantic partners and stop you from succeeding in your career.

Because self-esteem is established in childhood, it can be very difficult to rebuild as an adult. However, this task is not impossible. With the help of trauma therapy, you can develop healthier, more effective coping skills. You can move on from the past and forge more meaningful interactions with others.

Trauma Therapy Can Help Rebuild Self-Esteem

In trauma therapy you’ll be able to work with a supportive and compassionate therapist who will never judge you for your past or the decisions you’ve made in your relationships. I draw from a variety of modalities, such as cognitive-behavioral, expressive-art and traditional talk-therapy techniques, in addition to other approaches, and will create a treatment plan that suits your unique situation. Together we can develop the skills, tools and strategies you’ll need to move on from the past.

Therapy can be a very effective means for overcoming the effects of childhood trauma, so long as you’re comfortable being in therapy for a while. The issues you’re struggling with are deeply rooted in the past and profoundly entrenched into the fabric of your self-esteem. It might require some time, commitment and patience to unravel your entanglement with the issues and pain of your past. However, with persistence and a willingness to work, it’s possible to find healing.

In sessions, we’ll begin a process of re-parenting that can help you become your own best friend and advocate. I can help you develop healthy coping skills, some of which you may have never used before. You can begin to calm yourself down during times of heightened stress and practice relaxation in order to better manage negative emotions like anger, guilt or shame. You can learn to express your emotions and needs in healthy and productive ways, whether through expressive arts therapy, journaling or conflict resolution strategies. We can also begin to examine how the past impacts your present state of mind by identifying, challenging and reframing any negative perceptions you have about yourself and the world. The goal is to help you replace negative thoughts and feelings with a more positive outlook on life. This, in turn, can help you become less reactive in your relationships with others and stop you from being overly reliant on your romantic partner for feelings of self-worth.

With the help of trauma therapy, you can begin to let go of the past, take better care of yourself, stop obsessing over the needs of others and begin to honor your own needs, ambitions, desires and strengths. I can help you find ways of setting healthy boundaries with others so that you can stop succumbing to codependency and throwing yourself into unhealthy relationships. I will also encourage you to adopt a lifestyle that promotes healing and feelings of wellbeing. With new skills and insights in hand, you can begin to take time for yourself and do the things you enjoy, creating a lifestyle that will ultimately lead you toward greater happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction.