This is partly why the topic of adult friendships is now the stuff of stand-up comedy and sad movie plots. We share universal loneliness. Friendships can offer comfort, love, honesty, and a sense of belonging. We feel heard and understood. As grown-ups, all this can become quite a challenge.
4 Reasons Why Making Grown-Up Friends is Such a Challenge
1. Digital Culture
What does the word “friend” mean to you? Today, it may mean nothing more than a profile pic and a “friend request.” Thanks to social media, we may unconsciously see friendships as disposable. What once garnered steady attention now requires minimal work, can be engaged whenever it’s convenient, and often creates pressure based on others’ posts. While we may have had a friendship sit-down in the past, we now more easily dismiss things. With a click or two, we can delete today’s friendships and may even go as far as blocking them.
2. Far Less IRL Interactions
As a result of #1 above, we now miss out on many face-to-face opportunities. Via text or chat, we lose the pleasure of vocal tones, body language, and facial expressions. Without such cues, our bond can feel less strong and, again, more easily severed.
3. We No Longer Stay in Neighborhoods or Jobs
We’re more mobile in so many ways. Without geographical and career roots, we miss out on long-term opportunities for deep connections.
4. Raising Kids and Other Adult Stuff
We live in a multitasking culture. In fact, we seem to revel in our busy lives. In reality, all this “stuff” makes it far less likely that we will have the time, desire, or inclination to nurture a new bond with a potential friend.
4 Ways to Make Grown-up Friends
1. Put in the Work
Friendships can happen almost by accident but that doesn’t mean they don’t require work. Deep connections require both parties to commit. This means time, patience, and hard work.
2. Open Your Mind/Make Yourself Available
One look at your news feed and you can discern how divided we’ve all become. In real life, however, it’s almost always possible to bond with someone with whom you have differences. Open your mind and make yourself available to the possibilities.
3. View Friends Like Partners
We’re conditioned to perceive relationships as “forever” and friendships as more transient. The opposite is far more often the truth. Put in the effort to be the best friend you can be.
4. Direct Communication
Under today’s conditions, we may not have the time for an evolving connection. We may also have a greater chance of misunderstanding. Practice radical honesty as your default communication style. Speak directly, compassionately, and often.
Can We Re-Learn How to Make and Keep Friends?
When something that once felt natural is now a challenge, it’s always a good idea to seek help.
The years go by and we develop certain behavioral patterns of which we are unaware. A great first step in therapy is the identification of such patterns.
With better self-awareness, we can more clearly understand why we have few friends. We can also learn how to authentically shift our choices to facilitate more companionship. This is but one crucial reason to choose professional counseling. If an existing connection is strained, consider therapy for you and your friend together. It’s never too late to evolve and it’s never too late to create strong friendships!
