What makes you happy, stressed, tired, or angry? What are your strengths and where can you improve? Do you have a favorite food, something you particularly fear, or a vivid childhood memory that stands out above the rest? Answering questions like these require self-awareness. The process can also help us become more self-aware. This, in turn, puts us in a position to be more successful.
What makes us self-aware?
To be aware is to pay attention. Hence, to be self-aware is to aim your attention inward. Besides the specifics mentioned above, we might focus on our:
- Personality
- Thoughts and beliefs
- Motivations
- Priorities
These are all obviously important. But another part of self-awareness is our understanding of how others see us. This requires us to pay attention to the reactions we inspire. To be self aware is to be more mindful in all your interactions. Such mindfulness empowers us to experience progress in all facets of our life.
Signs that we (or others) are not being self-aware
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We get defensive when receiving feedback.
Even constructive criticism is viewed as a threat when you’re not grounded in awareness.
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Our default setting is “control.”
We nitpick and micromanage. If faced with a challenge, we resort to bullying. We fear being exposed, so we deflect and derail.
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We exhibit overt displays of confidence.
If we choose the route of overcompensating, it tells us that we’re not in touch with our underlying strengths and weaknesses.
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Passive aggression.
This is a form of avoidance. We don’t want the focus on us so we refuse to say what we mean. In a person without self-awareness, this tactic is meant to mask our vulnerability.
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We make excuses.
The goal is to avoid negative attention. But if we paid attention to ourselves, we’d have chosen straightforward communication.
All of these signs, at first, don’t usually sabotage our success. Over time, however, we may not be seen as trustworthy. From business partners to romantic relationships, we thrive when we pay attention. That means awareness of those around us. But it begins with us becoming self-aware.
5 Ways to develop self-awareness
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Buy a notebook
You’re going to need to write things down. A good old-fashioned pen and piece of paper may become your new best friends.
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Assess your emotions
Go back to the questions at the top. We must recognize our emotions. We must also identify our triggers. Emotional self-awareness is a giant step towards progress.
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Track your energy levels
Our bodies communicate with us all the time. The self-aware person listens. Get out your notebook and track your physical ups and downs. Match up these trends with your emotional patterns. Adjust accordingly.
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Pay close attention to responses we provoke
How do the people in your life talk to you and respond to you? This is not to say you’re at their mercy. But rather, we can learn about ourselves when evaluating how we’re treated. From those closest to you, ask them for direct and honest input.
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Practice mindfulness
Stay present with yourself. Experience the moment as fully you. How does it feel? What do you like or not like? Adjust accordingly.
Improve your self-awareness
The biggest irony behind self-awareness is that requires more than yourself! No matter how hard we work on it, we need help to become self-aware. Trusted friends and family can provide valuable input. Perhaps the most useful feedback can come from a relationship therapist. In one-on-one sessions, your counselor will offer valuable insight about your patterns and blind spots. From there, successful new behaviors can begin. If you need help with this you can contact me or book an appointment.
