Who doesn’t want a positive connection with their partner? Outside of extremely dysfunctional scenarios, every couple desires a decrease in negativity. The problems arise when they lose touch with what’s happening — each and every day — on a micro-level. It is quite common for people to take positive connections for granted. Things are good so why overthink it, right?
Well, there’s a lot going on in the space between overthinking and neglecting. Every relationship, ideally, is a positive connection. But it never happens on its own, in couples counseling I help couples recognize the positive connections they share. Let’s explore some of the factors at play in this crucial but under-explored dynamic.
3 Reasons Why You Want Positive Connection
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Sustainability
Negative energy is a relationship killer. Choosing to do the work to keep things positive is a powerful step toward longevity.
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Mindfulness
As you’ll see from the section below, being positive roots us in the present. A positive connection enriches your lives in large and small ways — at the present moment.
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Health
Positive energy is healthy energy. A positive love connection has long been shown to enhance one’s mental and physical well-being.
6 Ways to Increase Your Positive Connection
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Be Present
One of the greatest gifts you can give each other is attention. A positive connection is simply not possible if one or both of you are literally or figuratively somewhere else. A big first step is to put down your devices and connect right here, right now.
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Develop Your Independent Lives
Even soul mates need to live as individuals. Encourage each other to develop independent lives. Create your own space and your own social circle. Enjoy and appreciate when you’re back in each other’s presence with stories to tell.
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Verbalize Your Coupledom
This may seem minor but try using “we” more often. Use everyday language as a reminder of your commitment and bond.
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Be Expressive and Vulnerable
Don’t leave things left unsaid. Take chances to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Choose to communicate directly, face-to-face. Have the tough conversations and don’t let things fester.
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Try New Things Together
A positive relationship is one that is not in a rut. Sure, you have your rituals, patterns, and inside jokes. But you remain open to new ideas. This could range from trying new things in bed to trying out fresh ways to talk about differences and disagreements. It’s hard to stay positive when everything feels predictable. So, try to stay adventurous and excited about your life together.
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Understand and Respect Love Languages
Everyone gives and receives love in their own way. It’s not productive to expect your partner to do what you would do. Talk about your different love languages. Learn what you can do to respect and value their style and their needs. Do some reading on the concept of love languages. For starters, here are the most common five categories to consider:
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
- Gifts
- Physical touch
- Quality time
Work Together to Commit Together
It can be postulated that the biggest step toward a positive connection is demonstrating your willingness to learn and grow together. This is why so many couples commit together to counseling. You can accomplish so much in the presence of a skilled and unbiased guide.
Every relationship has blind spots. Left undiscovered, these can hamper your ability to grow closer over time. Hashing out issues via couples therapy empowers you to recognize such patterns. Working as a team, the three of you can identify underlying issues. From there, you can cultivate new approaches to bring more positive energy to your connection.
If you want to create a positive connection, I’d love to meet you and work with you and your partner you can book a counseling session or contact me for help.
